“The Last of the Firsts…”

Easter Sunday
(This last year was a year of firsts, a new life without dad. March 8th marked the last of the firsts…)

11:14PM
The pages on the calendar have come full circle. One year later the memories of dad are still fresh…especially after reading through past “Family Updates.” Maybe this will forever be part of the process…to remember. That’s what King David did to stir his faith – he remembered the faithfulness of God (Psalm 77:11). That’s why this blog was created – to remember – not just dad, but the faithfulness of God during this last year, and specifically, the last several months of dad’s life. Amidst all of the chaos, confusion, pain, and unknown the goodness and faithfulness of God were, and continue to be, clearly evident. Before dad went Home our family experienced points of healing that were thought to be lost hopes. They became reality. Mom and Dad fell in love again; Dad and I shared conversations of the heart that I will never forget, and dad admitted things to us that we thought would forever fly under his radar. Honest conversations can sometimes be more precious and life-giving than anything else.

I’m sitting here thinking about this past year and find myself wrestling with the word, “orphan.” I know orphan is defined as a fatherless child, and I am 29, but have I really grown up?  Is it arrogant to so quickly assume that I have matured beyond the status of “child”…that I have put childish thoughts and actions behind me? As I look back at this year (and if I’m honest, for much of my life) it’s clear that I have played the role of a child very well…the loss of my dad has only exposed the reality that I have practically lived my life as an orphan, as one without a father…or better yet, as one who has rejected a Father. Maybe I hid it under banners titled, “independence,” or “maturity,” or maybe even “manhod.” But it’s simple; I’m hardwired to live my life as an orphan…as a loner. And the greatest threat to a loner is intimacy. Where did it go wrong?

For the life of me I am trying to remember how old I was the last time I crawled into my dad’s lap and asked him to tell me a story. How long has it been? I can’t remember…but I do remember that feeling of hearing his voice and thinking that whatever he said was right and no matter what happened I was safe. A child and a father are two pieces to a portrait of harmony. Maybe that’s why Jesus’s words in the book of John deeply pricked my heart this past week, “I will not leave you as orphans…” (John 14:18) Remembering dad is to remember the Lord, and then these words come to mind. He has not left; in fact, the resurrection of Jesus offers freedom to enjoy His presence…ANY time…ALL the time. I don’t have to pick up the pen and try and finish my own story…I don’t have to wake up and go through a day as if I am alone. He invites me…He invites us…to crawl into His lap and hear His story. The Father has always been the greatest story teller…and His words ARE always right…and we ARE safe in His arms. Our faith really can be like that of a child; we are orphans no more.

He is good, He always has been.

Our family continues to remember dad while taking steps to “move on.” DR is still in New York pursuing his dream of performing and directing in theatre. Mom continues to amaze me as one of the greatest women I know. She will be going to Uganda this summer to minister to children and families with her church this summer. I learn from mom everyday about how to respond to loss in a spirit of trust and surrender. She has captured the real vision of Heaven and continues to pour herself into loving others. I’m not sure if there is a right way to work through the process of grief and pain, but if there is, mom is doing it…and probably evidenced more by her allowance of others to love her and walk with her than anything else. Bent Tree Bible Fellowship in Carrollton, TX leaves me in awe and wonder as to how a large “mega” church can intentionally love one person so much. They continue to rally around our family.

I am back in Atlanta and have a new role in the organization I have been working at for the past four years. If you had to define my new role in traditional terms it might best fit under the banner of “Public Relations.” But it’s so much better than that! I am working with the Catalyst Team and have been given the assignement to further our friendships and relationships that we have been building over the past eight (8) years. A brief explanantion – The Catalyst Conference has been an annual convergence of next generation leaders in the church. Here in Atlanta during the first weekend of every October we host over 10,000 leaders from all over the country, together, for a three day event designed to test the boundary of creativity, innovation, and leadership training for church leaders committed to building the Kingdom of God here on earth. Simply put, it’s amazing. The Catalyst Conference has given way to a Catalyst Movement and any movement is established in relationships.

In November the idea of road trip was thrown out on the table as a way to connect with some of our key relationships around the country. I was asked to lead the charge, and since January, have been on the road hearing stories of leaders in the church and sharing them with the Catalyst Audience. The fun part is that I am driving a 1985 Volkswagen Vanagon! You have to check it out…make sure to click on the “About” Page at the top and watch the short video highlighting the early days of the Catalyst Road Trip – www.catalystroadtrip.com

As has been tradition in so many of our past Family Updates, I want to say thank you and remind you of the special role you have played, and continue to play, in the life of the Hanson family. You are deeply loved and if you ever forget that, just click on the “video” link along the right margin of this blog and hear from dad just how loved you are. He told us often how thankful he was to have us and to have you supporting, loving, and praying for our family.

On behalf of our family, Happy Easter, and once again, thank you. We look forward to that day when we will all be able to be together with the Lord enjoying the completion, the “shalom,” of restored relationship. All glory to Jesus who alone makes it possible to live again…

almostHome,

LV

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~ by almostHome on March 23, 2008.